Defenseless

Things have been so rough lately. I mean school is coming to an end, and I've been anticipating on that all year. It just doesn't feel right. I guess this time it's different, I've tried my best to hold on and cooperate, but like they say, you never know what you really had until you loss it. Life is about taking risks at the right time, when things don't go your way, we shouldn't force words nor actions just to feel wanted and content with ourselves. I don't want to constantly live my life with regrets, resentment, pain, sorrow, and eventually hope it can somehow be restored. I've invested so much time and emotions in this situation, it will take a while to put it in it's proper perspective.

Friday- Last day of school for seniorsss. In peer counseling we had a temperature check for the seniors, it kinda got to me when I got out of the class and I teared up a bit. Lunch came, did what I had to do, don't ask me why. Chilled in 5th period, went to track 6th and Ethan decided to come since it was his last day (= Afterschool, Bes took JTAK to Ashleey's. Met up with Asish & Anis there. Got ready for the Senior Farewell Party. We had to be there early since all of JATPAK etc were officiers cept me hehe. Bes dropped us off at the Country Club house at 5ish. Nick drove me & Patty to Starbucks for last min secret buddy gifts tahah, my secret pal didn't even show up tho so I gotsta keep it. Went back to the Country and helped out with decorations and waited for everyone to come. Ate, chilled, took a zillion pics. I'd have to say our 3rd period senior parody was the best out of them all. Super embaressing cus I had to imitate Sophia, even more embaressing Alvin Lee hahahaa, I did his goofy laugh and bubbly personality. Hahaha, they loved itttt =) Seniors had to do something for us and I lovelove what my period did for the underclassmen. Each senior dedicated something to an underclassmen and gave them something that represented their personality. Nick dedicated to me :) :) really sweet shoutout, and he bought me a big bag of munchies cus he said "She's my bestfriend, and she always eats munchies". Hahahaa<3 Cleaned up, and said bye to alla the seniorsss. Sort of a tearfest haha, but I will definately miss my favorite seniors. After, we were deciding where we were gonna go, Bes for hookah or Nicks? So Anis, Keari, Rohan, etc went to Bes', and Tarbear, Ashcheeks, Asish, Arya, Michael J, I, etc went to Nicks'. Didn't stay for long cus I had a 12am curfew )=

Saturday- I really wanted to go to Ashley's pool party for seniors, but then I really needed to study for finals. Had a study sesh with Michelle, Angie, etc at Starbucks. Hmart. Maneater.

Sunday- Church, felt bad cus I was half-asleep during mass. Costco. Bumped into my old buddy Matt. RadioShack. Strong, yet vulnerable feelings explode. Goin to Souplantation tonight with family.

So I have a shitload of pics to upload, but my camera is being a bitch, I'll post em up later. Here are a few from facebook:

JATPAK'N

Neil the pimp.

David tryna be like pcp.

MORE LATER.

Goodbye

It's better this way.

I guess

• I guess Coach Desai can bag on me all the damn time fuck.
• I guess I constantly get migraines on the daily.
  
• I guess migraines don't let me sleep till 12am nor take naps.
• I guess I didn't pass chem h with a 69.4%.
• I guess the spanish final was confusing.
• I guess I gotta study my ass off for the chem final.
• I guess I'm not gonna take AP rhet.
• I guess I have to stay for set-up/clean-up for the Senior Fair well party.
• I guess I cut down my boba habits from 3-4/week to once a week.
• I guess I'm to fat to even care.
• I guess I never learned how to frenchbraid.
  
• I guess I accidentally left my phone at home today.
• I guess my hair looks dead.
• I guess SATS have to be two days after school ends.
• I guess James' cousin at Harvard can have Swine flu.
  
• And thank goodness school is over in a week and a day! Byebye seniors =(

Cravings

I've been having this huuuuge craving for Boiling Crab since yesterdaay, my mouth was practically drooling from thinking about the big shabang all over a pound of shrimp and king crab<3 HAHA, thanks for surprising me with Chipotle James, that satisfied my taste buds.

As for tonight, I suppose it's just me and espanol. Gotta maintain my spanish grade. Final tmrw )=

Updated 9:15pm
So Carolyn Ims me telling that she got a call from school saying she missed school on friday, and I'm over here laughing my mind off haha. An hour later, my mom calls me downstairs and tells me to listen to the msg on the answering machine. Apparently I received one too -_- It could be a prank call? Who knows, I hear other people received it too? Better not ruin my perfect attendance.

Astray

Worked on the english video project with group from 3-11pm yesterday, but I found out the others stayed till1am?


On the real note, noone can relate to what I go through with my family life, and when I say noone, one of the reasons is because it's too heartbreaking to explain and it's way too complicated. I sometimes question God what I did to deserve this.. I mean I know things always happen for a reason, just as fate, that's why we as Catholics do not believe in coming to psychics.

Disgracious creature

Hhaa why are you so fucking nosy? Why don't you just mind your own business? Why are you so obsessed, get over it. Are you always gonna live your life that way, being codependent? Why do you spread shit? are you tryna get a message to me or do you just want attention? It's obvious you've been an attention seeker after that "incident". Your so dramatic, so you best get over it. I would like to see the day where you just be independent and follow you own rules, pft, wtheck that ain't ever gonna happen will it? I don't even know why I'm wasting my time writing a countless blog, but I know you're gonna end up reading this you fucking lurker.


Okay other than that today was a guuud day, I supppose. Arrived to school super early this morning 7:15 to take an AR test since Crane told me this is my last day. Missed two ques:) thought I did well considering I had to read Kite Runner in one night.

1st: Book club, turn in journals, and talk in our groups. Man I felt as if I slacked off for a few weeks in english, and I should be getting a high grade in there since I came from honors, but it's okaay, I feel bad for the people who are suffering from the work + grades Kelly is giving out now. I'd probably still stress the most if I was still in her classs.

2nd: Ah cheem h, I freaking hate that class, well not the class, but the work and how everyone is a smart sophomore that finishes their quizzes in 3-4 mins. Did a review sheet for the test on tuesday, I need to get a B or higher on that test arrrgh.

3rd: Hahhaha for the past 3 days we've been having the yearly "sex talks" and it never gets old, because it's so funny coming out from Davis' mouth haha. "69, does oral sex taste bad?, how lesbians have sex, fisting, different names for penis/vagina, what type of animal position would you like it bed (dog, octopus, goldfish pahah), masturbation, blue balls, can you tell if someone just had sex, etc." I wanted to throw up half of the time, however it was quite entertaining at the same time. Practiced our parody for the Senior Farewell party and Alexa french braided my hurr.

4th: The usual TA with Andy and Jotham.

5th: Took a practice Spanish test, though it seems so overwhelming because the final is coming up, I'm pleased to have the practice test in my hands to study.

Hung out with Jameeess lateeer afterskooool.
Wow I haven't updated my whole entire day, like ever, well this is a first.

Current addiction

Hate school

"I'll give you $60 if you can pass chem." says Mom.


Will bribery increase my motivation?

SAT sign-ups

Damn it's already a bitch just to go through the process of signing up for SATS, just wait till I take them -_- First off, my old account wouldn't work for college board, so I ended up making a new one. Then it took me a whole hour to fill out those stupid questions, and then it charged me:

SAT Test 1 $45.00
Late Registration Fee 1 $23.00
Total: $68

Wtfff LATE REGISTRATION FEEE that's fucking bull right there. I was planning to register @ Oxford in Rowland, but whatever spot's gone so hello Diamond Ranch. After, I tried to print my admission ticket out but the printer does not connect to my computer -_-, it took me 30 mins of rambling just to realize that I can still have the saved admission ticket on my account. So I go on my brother's computer and I try to print it out, HOWEVER there wasn't any ink left
...........................................................
So my mom runs to the store and buys an ink cartridge and then I finally was able to print that shit out. Damnit, I'm not gonna wait to t he last min to sign-up in September. I'm so aggravated and now I need to finish up my homewhack. UGH!!!

Weekend

Aw I had a good weekend :) Friday, helped out for the new pc luncheon, and then Desai made Max and I run a timed mile wtf -_- Boyfriend dropped off boba for me after work.

Either he knows how much I love boba, or he's tryna make me sick of it!

Saturday- No Prom this year, since James is tryna save up $600 for EMT classes this summer!? But it's okay cus he asked to miss work to spend the day with me (= mMm, so I drove alittle bit in my lawyer's car with the convertible down, and it really seems like you're going much faster when the speed is only 40mph hah. At 8am James blindfolded me and drove me to iHop lmao.

It seems weird taking pics of food haha -_-

Then we went to Brea after and shopped, I despise my shopping addiction. F21, h&m, Vs, and Starbucks. Headed over to Edwards Cinema and watched Obsessed. We both agreed that it was one of those better horror movies, since this one actually had a storyline. After we went to this restaurant next to Hong Kong super market and got shaved ice with all this stuff on it and grubbed on chinese food. He wanted to go to Puente and watch another movie, but I thought he was loco for paying for movies twice when we could have movie-hopped. So we then went to the park and played cards, lovelove being competitive + our bets HAHAHA. Thanks for making this day special for me loove.

I finally decided to make a Twitter: http://twitter.com/gkneeeee

ps: I know you're gonna read this soo donde estas!?

Dear Mrs. Bravo

please & thank you.

Hectic

Haha busy busy bumble beeee. Another overwhelming day. Stupid Desai didn't give me a pass so now I have to stay at track while the other juniors & seniors leaave. Blaaah! Registration lottery came and my color got drawn second again haha just like the summer school lottery but that was a totally different story. Got a pretty early date; July 27 @ 10:25am. Starbucks with James and omg we saw the most hilarious thing ever, not gonna mention it but all I got to say is Goodluck noob! haha. Drove to in-n-out tahha, theen knocked out for an hour at home. I've been tryna maintain my mood today, cus I have received my monthly gift.

I've been getting emails/letters about the on NYLF of LAW & CSI, and I seriously want to get on to that ish. It takes place in Washington Dc, fall of 09. This is a six-day program for scholars planning careers in the fields of law, forensics, or crime scene investigation. There have been quite a few Alumni's from DBHS. $1,585 is the tuition fee + $40 for shuttle, which covers housing, breakfast/dinners, supervisory personnel, forum materials, all forum activities, and local transportation. Transportation to and from Washington, D.C. is not included. The forum awards a limited number of partial and full scholarships based on financial need, scholastic merit, leadership achievements and other factors. We will join outstanding high school scholars from across the US for the experience of discovery and mentorship as we are welcomed at some of the country's most prominent law schools, law firms, and legal institutions. We will also visit the Supreme court, participate in mock trials, examine a case & role-play justices etc. This seems super interesante and it may giv eme a hands-on experience that will provide me with a real life look at the fields of law in order for me to make my decisions for my future and career!

ps: thanks for paying a visit Ron, and sorry I didn't talk to you very much since I was in the the craziest mood ever.

*RIP grandpa May12, 4 years<3

Mother's day

Church, Starbucks, Lunch, BR's jamoca almond fudge, Huntington beach, Boiling Crab<3,
Oh well as long as mom's happy.

5 Favorite restaurants :)
-BOILING CRAB (seafoood)
-Lucilles (bbQ!)
-Benihana (japanese cooking)
-Stinky Rose (garlic foods, bomb lamb/steak)
-Daria (persian foood)

Shit all I think about is food food food hahhaa!

Nothing gold can stay

Reality has its own effortless course, and I can either embrace its way or struggle endlessly with mine.

When you're absolutely, passionately committed to your ideas, causes, goals, dreams… no matter how many “rejections” or “no's” you may receive, the only path leading toward success is the one where you keep asking and keep coming back stronger, better and more committed to your desired outcome because your persistence and belief in yourself will eventually make your passion a reality.

Not my day

Geez today was just a bad day. Started off wearing a dress to school since JATPAK said we would, but then everyone flaked cept Anis, but then it's hokAy noo biggie. Had a stupid chem test that I did not understand ughh. Learned about 'How to break-up with someone' in peercounseling -_- Danced in spanish. Went to track and Desai was talking to all of us, and then he brought up my name infront of the entire team..."Like N-G-O JEANNIE left the meet on saturday with her boyfriend, *looks at me* you didn't think I noticed did you, you will be there on thursday right blahblah" and goes lecturing me for another 20 seconds. Is he tryna embaress me or what cus it definitely did not work, just made me pissed. And oh please, I just left for twenty mins to go driving or what else would I be doin there from 8am-3pm x_x Then at 2:50pm went to the Summer School Lottery with Carolyn and Anis. Literally at least 80% of the people in the theater wanted to get Civics/Econ in the summer. So we each got a # and me & my friends received the same # and I was happy. They drew out # 8 first, nope not mine. Then second # came and they drew my # !! I busted my ass up on that theater.. then my friends get the spot, but right when it fucking gets to me, it runs out. Wtf bad luck or what!? Right when it gets to me damnit -_- I'm like still tryna plan over my summer school schedule and it's being a bitch to me. Eh I better have gotten the spot of Chemistry tuition class, if only Bravo rounded my 69.4% last semester of Chem honors I wouldn't have to deal with Chemistry over the fucking summer. DAMNIT I'm like going ballistic here! So in mind as of now, take regular Chem at Dbhs (3 weeks) then maybe take the second section of Civics/Econ @ Fullerton jc for the summer?! Idk if I'm even gonna get my tutition class @ Dbhs and my registration date for Fullerton is coming up soon. AHHHHHHHH!!! FML. What an annoying day.

Tupidsay

Cuuute haha.

Prelims

Friday: May 1 :) Happy nineteen months love. Mmm kept debating on whether I should go to the pc/usb/new pc social thing after school, decided not too. James came to pick me up and went to his place to look for direction's to Missy's birthday party. Went to Albertson's to buy some chips and rent Marley and Me [= to And what really sucked was what this bitch ahem told Missy on her own birthday, not gonna mention it but yeah. Went to Carlos' house for the party, and unfortunately I didn't bring my swim suit haha, but the funny part was that Carlos was gonna let me wear his sister's swim suit BUT NAHH I'm way too fat for that haa. Chilled there for a few hours, I was like the only person not on the swim team there haha, but I <3 swim people, they're so much funnn! Felt bad for James cus he really wanted to be swim captain more than the other guys on the team, and so he was stressing so much about it and I didn't know how to comfort him. Went back to his place to watch Marley and Me, sucha cute movie.

Saturday: Woke up at 6:30am to go to prelims -_- Drove in lawyer's car to school and met up with Bianca. Ate a cup of noodle and didn't feel bad about it because I didn't have to compete Bhahaha. Helped with the hurdles for a bit, and then went to get food with Bianca. Came back to school and then James payed a surprise visit after his SATS. He bought me some food and let me drive his car, haha man that meant so much to me. Got home and watched tv for a bit, then picked my brother up from Music @ the pointe, ahh I miss those good middle school days. Ohh now I guess I got the feel for the wheel haha.

tehhee.

Edit 5/3

Went to the 9:30am mass @ St. Elizabeth, it was Father Alex's birthday =) =) Ate a beef tamale, and then went to my grandma's house for a family gathering. We were celebrating, well not celebrating but honoring the death of my grandpa, may you R.I.P May 12, 05. Sigh.. I miss you alot ); Ate alot of food, and then my uncle took all of my cousins to Jamba Juice. Came home in the evening and knocked out for two hours, I was so tired. Ended the night with a drama-filled episode of Desperate Housewives.